的烦恼

人事愈渐纷杂，心中也多了许多牵念。早晨灵修，纵然一言不发，即使一字未读，仍似乎有许多人在脑海里叨叨絮絮地。

当人对你的期许越来越高；当人不再迁就你，因为你不再是小孩；当人开始问你如何解决问题，而且真的期待你给他们答案；
你晓得，你可能已经日渐离开年少的时节了。

我的主，我害怕世界纷杂的噪声，使我听不见你微小的声音；怕我即使听见了，又硬着心肠不顺服。
你曾说，凡劳苦担重担的可以到你面前来，你使他们得安息，因为你柔和谦卑，你的担子是轻省的。
这话我是听惯了的，也就只是知道。然而今天我的叹息，主你听见，这世界的担子的确很重。

我计算了将来生活的财经，发现金钱原来那么吃紧。我盘算了接下来一年可能面对的人事问题，发现自己原来毫无能力。
然而我该如何学习将这些担子放在主脚前呢？不过是尽自己所能，不为自己的明天忧虑，相信神每一天的带领罢了。
作为人，我们的极限本如此；作了超乎自己能力能做的事，便自高；做不到，且自卑；
我们何时看清自己的软弱与愚昧呢？也就是在创造者的面前那一刻罢。

马太福音11：25-30
那 时 ， 耶 稣 说 ： 父 阿 ， 天 地 的 主 ， 我 感 谢 你 ！ 因 为 你 将 这 些 事 向 聪 明 通 达 人 就 藏 起 来 ， 向 婴 孩 就 显 出 来 。父 阿 ， 是 的 ， 因 为 你 的 美 意 本 是 如 此 。一 切 所 有 的 ， 都 是 我 父 交 付 我 的 ； 除 了 父 ， 没 有 人 知 道 子 ； 除 了 子 和 子 所 愿 意 指 示 的 ， 没 有 人 知 道 父 。凡 劳 苦 担 重 担 的 人 可 以 到 我 这 里 来 ， 我 就 使 你 们 得 安 息 。我 心 里 柔 和 谦 卑 ， 你 们 当 负 我 的 轭 ， 学 我 的 样 式 ； 这 样 ， 你 们 心 里 就 必 得 享 安 息 。因 为 我 的 轭 是 容 易 的 ， 我 的 担 子 是 轻 省 的 。

父啊，求使我不以自己为聪明通达人，倒要在父面前如婴孩一般谦卑依靠。
父啊，感谢你赐下丰盛的怜悯，使我们得到你面前，并知晓你的美意。

 

Love, What is

看到少年（本来写小青年，后来觉得小青年应该是我这个年龄的人，他还比我小）在FB写“真爱”的定义。简单来说，这个“真爱”的定义是一种萦绕不去的迷恋、眷恋，即使分离了以后还是魂萦梦牵到长久。

然而我无法同意。

迷恋的感觉是真实的没错，然而并不可靠。我可以迷恋你两年，然而两年以后，当我更加认识你，知道你的一切软弱之处，知道你并非完美，也发现你的不可爱之处，也不再对你有炽热的‘心跳’感觉，我就是失去了这种迷恋了。若所谓的爱建立在这种表面的情感上，该是多么的薄弱而不堪一击。

真爱是什么……？

以后，当我不再迷恋你，我要更加地爱你。

在你使我生气时给你一杯水，在你生病时照顾你，在你脆弱时支持你；
在你犯错时规劝你，有必要时还要责备你，最后还是要原谅你；
在你做得好时起立鼓掌，不是很好时也要认可你；
在你心情不好时忍耐，甚至包容；
在你老了以后开始唠唠叨叨时听你唠叨；
在你走不太好时搀着你一起走（虽然我自己也可能需要别人搀着走）；
在你病痛中许多恶心的症状（鼻涕、脓水、污血、粪便……）继续照料你（当然我也希望我们的孩子是能照顾我们的孝顺儿女）；
在金钱的考验、世俗的诱惑、外在内心的攻击中、平淡单调的生活中、无论环境如何，都要守着你，爱护你。

如果对你不再有激情，如果被别人吸引，
我还是要守着你，爱着你，并把别人给忘记。

因为真爱不是保证一辈子激情，而是一辈子相知、相惜、相守、相爱。

哥林多前书13：4-8a

爱 是 恒 久 忍 耐 ， 又 有 恩 慈 ； 爱 是 不 嫉 妒 ； 爱 是 不 自 夸 ， 不 张 狂 ， 不 做 害 羞 的 事 ， 不 求 自 己 的 益 处 ， 不 轻 易 发 怒 ， 不 计 算 人 的 恶 ，不 喜 欢 不 义 ， 只 喜 欢 真 理 ；凡 事 包 容 ， 凡 事 相 信 ， 凡 事 盼 望 ， 凡 事 忍 耐 。

爱 是 永 不 止 息 。

 

Ganbatte yo koi

When there are no news from you for 3 days, I got worried. Was initially depressed, then I was reminded of all the previous circumstances when there was no word from you. You were always either too tired or down when something like that happens. I told Mum that I was worried – more worried than I’m sad about not hearing anything from you. Did something happen to you? Are you ill? Are you terribly sad? Mum told me not to worry unnecessarily.

So this stint is more difficult than we both thought it would be… keep pressing on, my dear. Our Lord will sustain you through the difficulties and strengthen you in all ways.

Houseman-ship is not just a test for you, I guess. It tests our relationship and our trust in the Lord and each other. I often remind myself: we have waited for each other for 4 years before this, what is this 1 year?

把我的每一份深深的思念，化为一个个紧紧的拥抱，乘着切切的祷告，来到你的身边。

Psalm 18
1 I love you, O LORD, my strength.

2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

3 I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies.

4 The cords of death entangled me;
the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.

5 The cords of the grave coiled around me;
the snares of death confronted me.

6 In my distress I called to the LORD;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.

…

24 The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness,
according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight.

25 To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
to the blameless you show yourself blameless,

26 to the pure you show yourself pure,
but to the crooked you show yourself shrewd.

27 You save the humble
but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.

28 You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.

29 With your help I can advance against a troop [d] ;
with my God I can scale a wall.

30 As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield
for all who take refuge in him.

31 For who is God besides the LORD ?
And who is the Rock except our God?

32 It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.

33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.

34 He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

35 You give me your shield of victory,
and your right hand sustains me;
you stoop down to make me great.

36 You broaden the path beneath me,
so that my ankles do not turn.

…

46 The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock!
Exalted be God my Savior!

47 He is the God who avenges me,
who subdues nations under me,

48 who saves me from my enemies.
You exalted me above my foes;
from violent men you rescued me.

49 Therefore I will praise you among the nations, O LORD;
I will sing praises to your name.

50 He gives his king great victories;
he shows unfailing kindness to his anointed,
to David and his descendants forever.

 

On things above

Colossians 3:1-17
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

I suddenly thought of this passage, or rather, the verse “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things” when I was feeling particularly antagonistic against certain people I know. It was a moment when I was feeling really annoyed: some people are really out to wear my patience out. Not that they target me, but it’s just… the things they say. I just cannot understand why people have to be so sceptical about life and sentimentality and ridicule everything – as though that makes them appear more intelligent and hence superior.

Before I launch into a defense on sentimentality, I turn back to the topic of setting my mind on things above.

Annoying, sceptical people will always exist. And they will always put you down, even if they don’t mean it to be personal. For whatever reasons they hold for doing and saying things they do, annoying sceptics follow us like shadows – they exist wherever light doesn’t. But we can’t spend our entire lives being traumatized or roused by skulking shadows – there are more important things to do and think about. There are more important things to do than to get into debates about castles in the air.

The Christian should be a busy person. He needs to constantly consider how far he still is from the image of God and meditate on the words of God. He needs to consider the needs of the people around him and act upon it. He needs to review his daily actions and thoughts and set about being a person relevant to the world yet apart from the world. He needs to go about his duties with love and honesty. Every moment of his life, he gives to the Creator who made him and whom he worships.

Hence there is no time, no time at all for the Christian to focus his attention on noise. Instead, he sets his mind on things above and live as the Lord would have him live.

 

Head over heels

I can’t believe that this wonderful man is mine

I adore our endless conversations, the tranquil moments when we simply bask in each other’s presence, the silly funny things he does like sleep-talking while sitting upright in a bus (XD so cute ♥), dreaming about the future and talking about the things we plan to do.

Very much blessed…

And the most beautiful thing about it all is that we know deep in our hearts that we would not have been possible without the love of the Lord working in our hearts… knowing that the Lord is behind us and our relationship is the most comforting and secure feeling ever.

 

Results!

Receiving exam results today reminded me of the following Bible verse:

箴言30:8-9 求你使虚假和谎言远离我；使我也不贫穷也不富足，赐给我需用的饮食。恐怕我饱足不认你，说：‘耶和华是谁呢？’又恐怕我贫穷就偷窃，以致亵渎我　神的名。

Proverbs 30:8-9 Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the LORD ?’ Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.

It is a verse which I like to encourage myself and Cong with, reminding ourselves that it is a great blessing to receive neither too much nor nothing at all. In fact my results are exactly what I needed – not so excellent that I may become proud nor insufficient for me to go after my dreams.

I recalled again how the Lord gave me help from all places during various stages of work, reminding me every now and then to honor Him in all that I do. Yet many a times I honored myself instead of the Lord, forgetting that with my mere abilities alone I would not have been able to do much.

May I continue to do all my work for Him and in Him.

 

Beauty for Brokenness

 

Email yay!

Looks like the man on holidays hasn’t forgotten about me yet =p Have fun over there, dear!

I still have the following work to do:

• CH4244 individual assignment
• CH4244 group project
• Research Assistant work
• Sunday School teaching preparation

Lord, please help me, I need to stop procrastinating!

 

It is finished!

No fireworks, no screams of excitement, no nothing. When Ms Fong finished checking through my bound thesis and smiled up at me, “恭喜你！” I grinned back at her, “谢谢您！”

It was only after I boarded the bus home that it slowly sunk in – the paper that I’ve been working on for close to a year is now complete and submitted. It occurred to me that it doesn’t matter whether I score A+ in the paper or not, it is the fact that I have endured the project and God has revealed His grace and providence again and again in the process of my work.

Life goes on and I have two more assignments to complete, but all my lessons have ended and I’m quite, quite jubilant

Dear LORD, thank You for providing me with so much, thank You for sending help from so many places even though I had not been consistently diligent. Thank You for the muses, thank You for the inspirations, thank You for the lovely people who had helped me, encouraged me and inspired me

This is the contents of the Acknowledgment page in my Honors Thesis:

I would like to thank the following people for supporting and encouraging my research and writing for this thesis paper:

Dr. Nicolai Volland, for his patient and detailed guidance in the process of producing this paper. He has provided both constructive criticism and encouragement, as well as taught me to research independently. He has been a truly inspiring supervisor from whom I have learned much!

Organisers and participants of the Pacific Asia Student Seminar (PASS) 2009, for sharing many insights regarding Taiwan and Cross-Straits issues, as well as being such great friends. Special thanks to Mr. Zhang Jiajie, Mr. Rich Chen and Ms. Anna Liao for spending much of their time sharing their views with me and even sharing books and readings to support my research! My classmates, who have generously provided me with information about administration as well as their support. Participants of the surveys, for sharing their thoughts and offering their support for my research, which has encouraged me greatly.

Mum, Dad and Yucong, for their ceaseless patience, understanding and support, as well as their supplying of soup, pep-talks and hugs for my work.

God, for allowing me to experience His abundant grace, peace and joy in the process of research as well as sent me help from many ways.

 

受难日

如果没有记错，今天应该是我信主几年以来第一次参加受难日礼拜。
具体以前为什么没有参加，我也不太记得了，应该是偷懒居多吧。

只是今天我听着耶稣基督被审讯、侮辱、钉十字架过程的福音书经文，
心中衍生了许多扎心的悲哀。
很奇怪的是，卢颖姐昨天打电话叫我今天在大堂读经。
这是我第一次在大堂正式礼拜上读经，所以心情有点激动。
再者，前后其他4位读经员全部都是教会执事级的长老，只有我一个小丫头。
怪怪的，怎么看都轮不到我来读，更何况是受难日这么重要的崇拜。
所以我和信哥说，一定是因为其他人都无法出场，才叫我去顶！

不过感谢主的恩典啊，
可以读马太福音26：57-68：

57 拿 耶 稣 的 人 把 他 带 到 大 祭 司 该 亚 法 那 里 去 ； 文 士 和 长 老 已 经 在 那 里 聚 会 。
58 彼 得 远 远 的 跟 着 耶 稣 ， 直 到 大 祭 司 的 院 子 ， 进 到 里 面 ， 就 和 差 役 同 坐 ， 要 看 这 事 到 底 怎 样 。
59 祭 司 长 和 全 公 会 寻 找 假 见 证 控 告 耶 稣 ， 要 治 死 他 。
60 虽 有 好 些 人 来 作 假 见 证 ， 总 得 不 着 实 据 。 末 後 有 两 个 人 前 来 ， 说 ：
61 这 个 人 曾 说 ： 我 能 拆 毁 神 的 殿 ， 三 日 内 又 建 造 起 来 。
62 大 祭 司 就 站 起 来 ， 对 耶 稣 说 ： 你 甚 麽 都 不 回 答 麽 ？ 这 些 人 作 见 证 告 你 的 是 甚 麽 呢 ？
63 耶 稣 却 不 言 语 。 大 祭 司 对 他 说 ： 我 指 着 永 生 神 叫 你 起 誓 告 诉 我 们 ， 你 是 神 的 儿 子 基 督 不 是 ？
64 耶 稣 对 他 说 ： 你 说 的 是 。 然 而 ， 我 告 诉 你 们 ， 後 来 你 们 要 看 见 人 子 坐 在 那 权 能 者 的 右 边 ， 驾 着 天 上 的 云 降 临 。
65 大 祭 司 就 撕 开 衣 服 ， 说 ： 他 说 了 僭 妄 的 话 ， 我 们 何 必 再 用 见 证 人 呢 ？ 这 僭 妄 的 话 ， 现 在 你 们 都 听 见 了 。
66 你 们 的 意 见 如 何 ？ 他 们 回 答 说 ： 他 是 该 死 的 。
67 他 们 就 吐 唾 沫 在 他 脸 上 ， 用 拳 头 打 他 ； 也 有 用 手 掌 打 他 的 ， 说 ：
68 基 督 阿 ！ 你 是 先 知 ， 告 诉 我 们 打 你 的 是 谁 ？

居然打了神的儿子呢。用假见证。
人的罪恶还能再深吗？

本来来写这篇日记，是因为看到网上很多诋毁、嘲笑基督信仰的东西，或是上教会的人不懂得自洁，
使我觉得难过。不过重新思想了我今天读的这篇经文，心里忽然又好像安息了。
现在的人犯的罪，不是现在才有的东西啊。
以前的以色列人鞭打侮辱耶稣，把他钉在羞辱的十字架上。
现在的人依然鞭打侮辱耶稣，继续地把他钉在羞辱的十字架上。
而我们的主，则是安静地接受了刑罚，因为只有如此才能成就救恩，才能使人有挽回和神关系的机会。

早期的先知，在看见以色列民不断犯罪背弃神的时候，他们的心里的疼痛恐怕只有神才知道吧？
我，我只是一个刚从自己太舒服的安全区里往外望的使徒彼得。

彼得，你在鸡叫前，会三次不认我。
耶稣告诉信誓旦旦的彼得。
也果然就是如此。
我不要再做不认基督的彼得了！
我要做甘愿为基督背负辱骂鞭打，甚至于死的彼得！

主啊，
求你给我勇气背起你的十字架！